I feel “tenacious” is a good term here.

Tenacious means not readily relinquishing a position, principle, or course of action; determined. I’m going to use that term instead of “obsessed.” I am determined to get back to running, to get on the right track with my nutrition, and to get better at my workouts. I find one of my most positive traits is my tenacity/persistence.

I have been stretching every day to help with plantar fasciitis that I actually suffered in both feet, but was more severe on the left side when it partially ruptured. I’ve been doing exercises to increase the strength I need in my legs to help prevent a repeat of the injury or a new one on the other side. I’ve been more consistent because I am consumed by the urge to run again. The thought of not going back to running has crossed my mind. I’m not fond of that option. I’m aware that I probably won’t be back to long distance for some time and I might be done indefinitely with 2 half marathons a year.

I’m tracking my food on a free version of My Fitness Pal and participating in a free challenge with my gym called the Lazy Macro Challenge. I’m eating healthy, but having a rough time avoiding snacks that are high in sugar and useless calories [hello peanut butter and chocolate]. I had my body composition measured today and the results weren’t great, but I had a good chat about it and I feel confident I’ll get where I need to be once I get myself on track. I’d probably have an easier time if I could run, though. Not because I want to outrun the snacks. I don’t crave as much junk when I run regularly. How do I solve that? I’m adding other cardio back to the mix on the days I used to have running. That way, it won’t be as hard when I finally go back.

I’m starting to become convinced I’ll never really be good at Crossfit, but I’m determined to get a few things right. Besides, I am getting stronger. My legs gained muscle since my last body composition measurement and I was pleased. I also used heavier dumbbells for bench pressing this week than I have in the past. I’m still tormented by attempting my first pull up. I think I’m even more obsessed with that goal because I can’t yet work on trying to box jump or string together a bunch of jump rope double unders. I’m having to keep my feet planted for olympic barbell movements and it adds a level of complexity. I often feel out of place and wonder why I’m applying so much of myself to something I know is basically sisyphean. I can’t quit, though. I don’t know how I would.

I have meant that literally sometimes. I finished a half marathon once where I was miserable, but didn’t know how to quit. My finish time wasn’t actually bad. The conditions were despairing. I was dressed too warm, the wind seemed to be head wind no matter which direction I turned, and I went out too fast and lost my power halfway through the race which had a hilly second half. I carry”I don’t know how to quit,” with me almost as a mantra. I might feel discouraged sometimes. I wondered why I didn’t just give up because it seemed like just when I’ve dusted off from a fall, another obstacle appeared and there was no end in sight. I still carry on. It isn’t really that I don’t know how to quit, though. I don’t WANT to give up. My faith, my God will carry me through if I need Him. I also want to be strong and I know that it’s built through discomfort. Those moments when I don’t see a way and I push through have been the ones I remember. Those have been the moments that helped build my strength.

I’m impressed with my body, though. I have grown 3 babies in my belly. I ran a marathon, 9 official half marathons, countless 5k races, and mentored people running 5k all the way up to half marathons. I can deadlift more than I’ve ever weighed in my life and I can jerk 100 pounds over my head. I’m trying to take care of a magnificent machine here and I need to stop and appreciate how badass I am sometimes. Especially when I’m picking on the things I can’t do. Yet.

Thanks for reading! I hope you’re brewing some goals or in the midst of conquering something. I also hope you give yourself grace and stop to think of how much you CAN do.

20 workouts in March! Gotta stay on track.

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