For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to know everything about everything. I have difficulty choosing a favorite anything because I just love it all. I don’t have a favorite color, song, movie, food, or many other things most people do. I can’t choose and settle on that one thing to define me. I’m a loyal romantic partner, friend, and even worker [when I had a full time job]. I don’t even know what I want to be when I grow up and I’m 39. Not the point, but let’s move on.
I have been running long distance since 2015. I did short distances before that, but I wasn’t quite as involved in it until I joined a Fleet Feet training program in 2015 and ran a half marathon. By 2016, I was training for a full marathon. By 2017, I had finished one. I’ve very rarely “placed” in any races and all of my awards are from 4 or less miles run. I still enjoyed running despite my race placing. I strive to get a faster time than myself and get a personal record at each race. The only times that count to me are the official race times when it comes to getting a personal record.
Enter Crossfit in March 2019. I am always trying to beat my last best from class and that’s what I care about. Yet, competitions exist. I am not a person who is going to place in those at this point. I’m fairly new to it all and my skills aren’t competitive to those of others my age. At least I don’t think they are. I still signed up for a competition in April, though. Yikes. I am genuinely concerned about which me will show up that day. One day, I’m a beast and I can do all the things and the next I’m a weenie and I refuse to even try to jump 20 inches onto a box that I’ve jumped onto more than 100 times. I’ve even had days where I can string together double unders with a jump rope and the next, I can’t even do single jumps without whipping myself in the leg with the damn rope. I’m really far into my head on the days that I can’t do things I know I’m capable of, so what if that is what happens when I’m competing? I’m really hard on myself with everything.
Believe me, I’m not fishing for compliments at this point. I’m just laying out there that I’m doing something new and I’m completely freaking out over it.
Training has begun for the Illinois Half Marathon I’m doing with Judy. We’re up to 11 miles this weekend and it has been going by fast. I’m not worried about this race because my plan is to get a new best in October. I wish I felt that easy about competing in Crossfit.
On the plus side, my depression hasn’t been too bad since the sun has been around more frequently. I had a pretty serious binge eating relapse over a two week period, but I somehow didn’t gain any weight or inches. I’m just going to turn back to eating right and hope for no more slip ups and remember how I prefer the way I feel when I didn’t eat 10 cookies. I know I sleep better without the sweets and tired is not my preferred state.
Thanks for reading! I hope you’re finding something you enjoy doing. We’re getting more sunshine after this weekend, so there’s a great thing to look forward to. Especially if you’re solar powered like me.