Race Weekend is SO CLOSE

The Detroit Free Press races are this weekend and I am PUMPED. I had my final run before race day today and it was amazing. I saw myself run a pace I hadn’t seen in a very long time and I sustained it.

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So, what about the other runs? The 12 mile one I was so worried about in my last post? The taper week short run? They were alright.

My friend, Judy invited me to run with her and others when I needed a 12 mile run. They weren’t going as far, but Judy ran with me and we finished strong. I was so happy to have company again, but I was also impressed with how I was able to make it 12 even after feeling a bit of hesitation in my 10th mile. I made a mental note that I probably needed to take an additional gel or some type of nutrition along next time. Judy is encouraging and always has something positive to say. Despite our run being together, she said that I did great.

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This past weekend, I was camping with scouts Friday night into Sunday morning. That was a whole different kind of endurance. It left me mentally exhausted to a point where I was not well. Sunday, upon returning home, I was having trouble not crying over every little thing and I was physically exhausted to the point I couldn’t function at my normal capacity. Monday, my family was off of work and school. I went to a 9am conditioning class in the morning. I talked to Judy there and told her I needed my run and that I wasn’t quite myself. I [embarrassingly] broke into tears for no reason. She offered to run with me even though she’d had her 8 mile run over the weekend. At first, I held back and said I’d think about it. I honestly didn’t want to burden anyone, but I knew I needed to run and that I needed accountability. She met up with me for 8 miles after I messaged her. I don’t know that I would have done it on my own or just found reasons not to go. I left our run feeling relief. I wasn’t crying every moment I was alone with my thoughts.

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I look like any other day, but I was deep into some dark thoughts.

My husband has been on a business trip this week and I almost asked him to cancel because of my mental illness. I was going to cancel my trip to Detroit because I didn’t believe I was well enough to go anywhere. I had one episode of anxiety that was pure terror. I take anxiety medicine and something so intense doesn’t happen often. I waited for my husband to be off of work then told him about it and talked it out. He’s messaged me through each day with reminders that he loves me and that I’m strong. I’m sure he’ll be encouraging me to get help once he can talk to me in person. I’m open to it. Just not happy about it.

I have spent time listening to praise songs and praying. I’ve tried to stay positive. I’m actually more oriented toward there being a future than I was the other day.

Today’s run was a HUGE help. I had told Judy that the paces I used to run at felt effortless and that was what I’d missed most about running before my injury and all the secondary ones from the rehab. Today, I was faster and it felt effortless. I savored every moment. It made me actually start getting my things ready for Detroit. Because I’m going and I’m going to finish another half marathon. I get to go to Canada for the first time. I haven’t even been to Michigan before. I actually can’t wait.

I have some amazing people around me that encourage me and lift me up when I need it. I just hope I can do the same for them if and when they need me. I really hope I can do it for anyone that I can help.

Thanks for reading! I can’t wait to write a race recap. I hope I get pictures. I am usually really caught up in stuff and forget the pics.

 

 

One thought on “Race Weekend is SO CLOSE

  1. Sorry you are going through such a rough time. Depression really sucks ! Happy to hear about your running and getting to go to Michigan and Canada!

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