It’s October! So there is not much time left until the Detroit Free Press International Half Marathon that I’m training for.
I had a 10 mile run where my headphones died 3 miles in and I chose a route that was in the full sun for what seemed like eternity with no music or company. The following week, I just wasn’t feeling the run and I’d decided I wanted to reduce 11 miles to 8 or 9. I realized that 8 miles was actually on my training plan. I ran in a misting rain for 8 miles. It wasn’t amazing, but I actually had a lot of clarity in my thoughts during the run and I felt at peace when it was done. The rain had unfortunately left me with chafe under both arms, though.
Last week, I did a Fleet Feet pub run at Lil Beaver Brewery and ran 3 miles with my friend, Shelly. With her, I ran 3 miles at a better pace than I have been on my solo runs. I posted a request for running company for the weekend long run to a Facebook group of runners. Someone gave me a time and place for a group that had been training together and I showed up. It was humid and not really pleasant outside. I still enjoyed it more than I had my solo 10 mile run 2 weeks prior.
I’m looking forward to the race despite knowing my PR is out of reach. What helped was I realized that I was still capable of running a little faster. Time spent running with people not as concerned about making a time also helped. This weekend’s 12 miles is going to get done, I’m going to have my week of taper, and then I’m going to finish my 9th half marathon.
I missed my planed run time today because one of my kids came home from school sick. Don’t worry. He’s already asked to go hang out with friends. I’ll fit a run in even though I’ve been outside and the humidity isn’t going to be “run friendly” at any point today.
I still want to PR my half marathon time and think I might keep my weekend long runs up through the winter. I’m grateful that I’ve been well through this training session.
My mental health has been less than stellar. I’m currently too sensitive to go into detail about it. I get peeved when people use “I don’t need my meds anymore,” as a sign of their physical fitness success. I don’t want to go back on mine, but the natural way I tried did not serve me well. Holding me back are the feelings that medication is a step backwards in being able to say I’m healthy.
I often get anxiety that makes my body feel like it can’t stop moving. My thoughts become intrusive and sleep will completely elude me for most of the night. I can’t understand why the world is so unkind and self serving and it bothers me to the point where I just sit and try to figure out the solution to the millions of problems. That doesn’t even scratch the surface of the thoughts that go through my mind.
I think about the things people said to me years ago about my intelligence or my sensitivity and I wonder if maybe I never have been very bright and if my emotions make me weak. I think of the compliments people gave to other people while I stood there and I wonder why I wasn’t worthy. I think about every conversation after I’ve had it and hope I was honest and kind. I think about the people who said I’ve been mean and wonder how they could see me that way. I pray for people and I hope good things for people even when I know they wouldn’t do the same for me. I feel the weight of the words and thoughts that fly through my head and I just wish I could be normal despite the fact that mediocrity used to be what I worked hard against. I pray, run, work out, read, and I keep myself busy and the thoughts still come and my emotions are still affected by them. I outwardly do the best I can to be normal despite the fact that the overwhelming thoughts in my head make me sometimes behave differently.
Thanks for reading! I hope to come back before race day. I want to share with you my progress since beginning regular visits to the gym and having body composition measurements.