There is a little more than 5 weeks left until race day. I am not thinking I’ll get a PR this time, but I had a less crappy long run last weekend than the previous long run. I went over my intended mileage and probably could’ve gone further if not for fear of injury.
I’ve been coming out of the funk that I got into. I haven’t been crying as easily. I’ve had some realizations about my self image. I am sensitive to the way people treat me and I think I often blame myself when they treat me poorly. Here are some things I’m trying to accept:
- I won’t always get the validation in which I desire. People do that because of themselves, not me.
- Sometimes, when I’m feeling left out, I have to realize that I’m probably not going to fit in everywhere and that’s more than okay.
- My openness is not an invitation for criticism from people even if they believe it is. Their criticism comes from their own insecurities.
- People will talk about me behind my back and it won’t always be kind. I should still be kind to people even in my thoughts.
- While I don’t let my mood determine my manners, some people will and often do. Dismiss the rude.
That’s not all, but that’s as general as I can get without pointing out specific people or situations in my life. I was fortunate enough to have kept a list of positive things my friends said about me on a post I’d made and it really helped me develop that list above.
I am excited to run 10 miles this weekend. In my mind, I could already run 13.1 miles this week. I am hopeful and I’m actually optimistic. I’m not delusional. I’m worried about the humidity and when I’ll fit in my run time. I’m worried that I’ll let people and situations get under my skin and make me feel bad about myself. I’ve risen from the idea that I need to drop out of the race I’m training for.
My new job is challenging. I work with elementary aged children supervising their recess and lunch times. Some kids that seem so ready to fight or argue with their peers are the most receptive to open arms for a hug. Some of the kids I think of as sweet can be cruel to their peers out of nowhere. Some days are really upsetting and I go back to realizing that how the kids behaved had very little to do with my interaction with them. I try to guide as best I can. Each day is hard in its own way. I’m learning. They’re learning.
I made the gym 4 out of 5 days this week. I’m loving it. Except that the first 3 days, I got up at 5am to make the 6am class. This coming week, I’m going to go the 9am class instead. This means I have to rush to work after a shower, but I actually have to do it because of my husband’s work schedule for the week. We’ll see which one I prefer after next week.
Thanks for reading! I hope I’m encouraging or at least interesting.