Today, I ran a 5k race in a nearby town. I wasn’t planning to, but decided I could use an excuse to get up and run on a Saturday morning. Keeping things interesting is part of what keeps me motivated.
It was hot outside. I actually felt confident. I wore the right clothes and I was well hydrated. It was themed around the 4th of July, so I donned my finest patriotic running gear. I put on my NUUN hydration tattoo and filled my water bottle with mango orange sport (caffeinated). I’ve gotta say, I used my Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliner to fill a spot I messed up applying the tattoo and it did not sweat off. I’m impressed. I ran into people from the crossfit gym where I’m a member and exchanged pleasantries. I guess they’d planned ahead to meet at the race.
I started with no incident and pulled back to a slower pace with the intention of running the entire course with walking water breaks. I did that for about 1/2 of the course before allowing myself to walk for 1 minute because my pace had slowed too much from target and I needed to get my body back. I kept having surges where I would run faster. My second mile was not what I wanted. My third was like I was having a series of power surges. I’ll post my graph from Garmin because it truly shows how inconsistent my second half was.
There was once a time where I’d think to myself, “Oh well, I did my best.” Today, I didn’t. I was nearly in tears walking to my car to drive home. I actually did cry about it after I got home. I finished today’s race almost 10 minutes slower than my best time (28:45). My worst time was in Chicago in the dead of winter (55 minutes). I was pissed that people who aren’t as committed to running as I am finished before me. I sucked today. I didn’t even feel like a runner.
Nothing has helped me with how I feel about my results and I doubt it will. I’m competitive. Against others and myself. I don’t feel like I fit in with my running groups anymore. I don’t feel like I fit in with people at my gym. I’ve accepted long ago that I’m meant to be a bit of a loner. I just don’t always like feeling that way.
Thanks for reading. I’ll get over my finish time. I’m sure I’ll be taking it out on myself when I run tomorrow. I’m done recovering from my 2016 running injury and I’ve put a lot of effort into coming back. I’ve got to get it together before 2021 so I can run another marathon in my 40th birthday year because I’m still not over my Chicago Marathon 2017 finish time.