Just in case nobody has told you, Happy New Year! I’m not one to assume that life suddenly changes with the completion of a rotation around the sun. It is nice to have a way to track where in time things happened, though. Also, I like to be able to say that by a certain place in time, I’ll accomplish something. It gives me things to look forward to, which is important for anyone, but especially for someone with depression.
When you’re depressed, you don’t see past the darkness. People tell you to just be happy and you begin to feel angry that you can’t just be happy like they say. It gets hard to want to keep moving at all. If you can set your sights on something that you can accomplish, the steps you take toward the goal can be what saves you. The steps can often be the distraction you need to pull through. It also gives you some hope for your worst days. When you think that there’s nothing to go on for, you have to go on because you haven’t hit a milestone yet. I’ve often helped myself out of hopelessness by reminding myself that I haven’t run more than 13.1 miles yet. I’ve never done a full marathon. I haven’t gotten my sub 30 minute 5k. I HAVE to do that first!!!
Last year, my goal was to run a half marathon. I didn’t make a resolution. I just casually mentioned ahead of the first that it was my intention. Then, I held myself to it as if I’d promised to do something for someone else. It worked. Now, I’m ready to tackle more races and maybe try new events and a greater distance.
Last Tuesday, I broke a record for myself. I tripped and fell on a run for the first time since I’ve been running. It was unpleasant. I put a hole in my running glove. I busted my elbow and bruised my leg. I laughed at myself. There were sticks everywhere from ice and wind that we had on Monday. I tripped on a very small stick in the middle of the road. Thankfully, I was running in a group, so I was able to talk with someone after I got up and brushed off the road grime.
My teen daughter came home on 12/30, so she was able to celebrate the New Year at home with the family. Things have been far from perfect. In fact, it has been a frustrating and often upsetting experience each time we’ve brought her home recently. We’re expected to react in a way that can only be described as clinically to outbursts, negativity, and disagreement. If in a situation where people are emotionally charged, I feel we are asked to disregard our emotions in order to save the feelings of the teen. This creates a situation where mom and dad aren’t respected because we aren’t seen as human. It isn’t working out well, but it isn’t easy to convince someone to stop hurting you when they don’t think they are.
I’ve made an agreement with myself to start a running streak where I’ll deliberately run at least 1 mile a day (or walk if I must). I’ve seen the forecast and I’m wondering why I would make myself do something so crazy. I’m hoping that it’ll work out in my favor that I’ve said I’ll do it already, so now I’m stuck with it. (BUT it’s SO COLD!!!) It isn’t too late to “streak” with me. You can use whatever means you want to do it. I just don’t have a gym membership or a treadmill, so it’ll have to be outdoors unless I head to the indoor track across town. I’m ready! I think…
I hope to be able to make my body look the way I want it to. Some days, I actually feel like I’m pretty close. Then, there are the other days where I wonder why I don’t get extensive plastic surgery. Most days fall somewhere in between. So maybe instead of carving out the body I love, I could love my body first.
So that’s just about all I have to say for now. I’ll be starting training again soon, so I’ll have even more adventures in running. My Winter Warriors is almost over and I’m hoping I can keep working out.
I hope you have some goals in mind and that you’re able to follow through on them. Please feel free to share your goal and timeline in the comments!