Finally shrinking down a little

School is out and the kids are home more often. The weather has been either rainy or very hot and humid. It’s only June, but you’d think it was late summer already the way the heat has been. The heat is better than the cold for many things. Running is not something that is more fun in the heat. Learning to run in the winter made me respect the cold more.

I’ve done well under the amount of stress I’ve experienced. I’ve lost about 15 pounds over the last month. I’m limiting the soda, eating more fresh grown foods for meals, and avoiding mindless snacks. I’ve been more active. I’m getting back into running . My time is getting faster and I’m running with less walking breaks. My depression is still around, but I have tried to conquer the urge to wallow by going outdoors. Some days, I gather up my younger kids and the dog and go for a walk. I’ve learned from a devotional book that time will pass regardless of what you do with it. That had an impact on me.

I went to the running store’s fun run this week and it really helped me to interact with other people who run. I met people who are going on the same trip as my husband and I this fall. I’m actually more excited to know that there will be other runners there and they even live in the same city!

My training for the half marathon I’ll be running at the end of September begins the week after next. I’m hoping I am close to my old running times by then. They weren’t particularly fast, but I could run 6 miles without stopping to walk or catch my breath. Hopefully, I’m getting adjusted to running in the heat and humidity.

I am looking forward to events and experiences that are upcoming. I’ve still been experiencing a lot of stress and the sinking feeling that I’m somehow screwing things up no  matter how hard I try. I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself. I constantly question whether I’m a good enough mom and wife. I question whether I should even try running 13.1 miles with an audience. Some days, I even question if I should leave the house because I don’t know what other people will think of me. I know that fears like that are irrational, but they are there. It takes me a lot of energy just to step off of the porch to go for a run knowing that people will see me as they drive down the street or walk by. The stress I’ve been under has pushed me back inside of my shell and I’m having a rough time spending any time outside of that comfort zone. Basically, I’m looking to shrink my body and expand my comfort zone.

Thanks for reading. I hope I can at least offer you some reassurance that you can do more than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes, you really have to mentally prepare for a small first step. Once you’ve gotten past the start, things will be more comfortable. I’ve stepped out of my shell before. Sometimes, things in my life push me back in. I’m the only one who can step out. It feels like starting over. I know that when I started trying to become a fit person, I didn’t have all the knowledge and ability that I do now. I’m not starting over from the beginning. I’m just restarting after some time off. It happens.

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