Oh, I’m feeling blah

Hey there! I haven’t had the energy or the drive to work out. I’ve eaten a bit better, though. Well, I’ve tried to eat fresh more often. I am depressed and would rather lie in bed all day than get up and be productive. It takes me a lot more effort just to finish my daily work like dishes and laundry. This, my friends, is what depression is like sometimes. Even with medication and the best intentions, I get down sometimes. This time around, I’m feeling weepy, physically sore, and very isolated. People who don’t have depression would have a hard time wrapping their head around how a person can go from feeling fine to irreversibly sad, angry, and hopeless. I’m actually doing really well-functioning day-to-day, but my mind is not kind to me at all. I’m especially critical of my size, the amount of time I’ve spent struggling with it, and whether I’m actually good at anything. Tsk, tsk…let us present the matter at hand.

This is what’s on my mind. I want to join a gym. I know which gym I would like to go to first.

  • I’m worried I won’t have time to work out. I know people think “make time” or “don’t you stay at home”, but I actually have planned things throughout the week that I do for my kids and my husband isn’t always in town. I’m just afraid to squander money on something if I don’t use it.
  • I’m completely intimidated by the thought of working out on the equipment. I know how to use an elliptical because I have one. I don’t remember anything about the weight machines when I had a membership a gym. I use free weights and resistance bands at home. Also, there aren’t strangers at home to see me struggling to run 30 minutes.
  • I want help, but not really ask for it because I’m embarrassed to need help with anything. Many things in my life would probably be easier if I didn’t feel that way.
  • I’m aware of how what I’ve listed above could be read as excuses and I certainly don’t disagree. I need to get fit and joining a gym is an excellent opportunity to break routines and to make my goals tangible.

All of that said, I’m thinking about enlisting the help of my doctor. The label of the medicine clearly says to report new or worsening depression. That applies to me just as much as anyone else. My hope is that through a fitness routine, I’ll be able to better manage my symptoms.

Thanks for hanging around even through this ugly post. I have signed up for a race in June. I will be training for it by running outdoors. I think that signing up for a race is a good way to encourage myself to work out.

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