Backsliding, then tumbling

Well, hello there! How have you all been? Yeah? Me? I’ve eaten like food is going to suddenly become scarce. I’ve worked out sporadically enough that I’m not really sure what to count as my last workout. Yep, it’s like that. I’ve also gained back every single pound that I spent so much time and effort losing. Even with my phone prominently displaying a photo telling me not to give up, I gave up. I feel no motivation to eat better or regularly work out. I want to lose weight, but I’m stuck. I feel like my efforts aren’t worth the results. Honestly, I like sweets and I have a hard time regulating myself when I get ahold of a treat. Most people can eat a couple of pieces of candy and satisfy the craving. Not me. I mindlessly eat it.

I have gained a better acceptance of myself, though. I’m not worried if other people think I’m fat. I’m not worried about the opinions of other people about my size. Perhaps caring less is a step in the right direction.

Why did you give up in the first place? It didn’t happen overnight. It happened over the past few months. I was gaining weight despite my efforts and I was less mindful of my habits once I felt like it didn’t matter. Every time I went running, I was having trouble. I was having problems breathing and I couldn’t finish a 3 mile run without stopping to walk and catch my breath. I would get teary eyed at the thought that I couldn’t force myself to just run. I haven’t even been going to my group runs because I’m embarrassed that I can’t run 3 miles continuously. I’ve been to the doctor and as I expected, there is nothing physically wrong. So, I’m discouraged.

So, what’s the plan, Jenn?  I’m going to take an extreme approach to my diet because I have to. I’m going to cut out ‘sweets’. No soda, no candy, no ice cream for a while. I’m going to limit cheats to every other weekend instead of every weekend. My diet is actually pretty healthy without the extra snacks and without soda. They could be part of a healthy diet in moderation, but my problem is moderation. If I cannot exercise will power, I need to remove the temptation. So, that’s the first step. I also plan to find a race to train for so I can’t make excuses not to run. I skipped the 10k that I was going to do because I never started training for it. I’m going to schedule my workouts and get up early if I have to. I’m even shopping local gyms for a membership. I might be embarrassed to work out in front of people, but it removes the weather excuse from the list.

I have a new gadget. I got a fitness tracker. I’ve had it for a month, yet I still haven’t hopped back into fitness. It can’t do the work for me. I like that it counts my steps and my miles. I do wish it were less conspicuous than a watch on my wrist. I think once I get moving more often, I’ll be more apt to beat my own best and meet my steps goals.

I think goals are an important part of getting healthy, but short-term goals are important to encourage yourself and feel like you’re actually doing well. While I want to lose lbs, I need to remember that I want to lose fat. Focusing too far into the future is the reason I sabotaged my journey. I could only focus on the road ahead instead of that I had travelled so far. Now I have to start from square one. This time, I’m going to work toward better goals and lose sight of the scale.

How many times have you needed to restart your fitness journey? Do you struggle with the way you think other people see you?

I appreciate that people read my words and I’m thinking about writing a little more into my past and about where I’ve been to bring me where I am. I think I’ll start a separate blog for it, though.

2 thoughts on “Backsliding, then tumbling

  1. I can totally relate to the mindless eating. I have to be very careful about how much.I take pictures of what I am going to eat before I start. That way, I feel accountable to eat only what I show that I am eating.

    • Thank you. I’m trying to get back to using a food tracker, but I think I may write it down on paper instead. It’s really easy to lie to the the electronic tracker.

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